Just mADE A PArabola og urine
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Randomize
