did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
