I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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