I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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