She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
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