I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
