Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
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