i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Randomize
