I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
