its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
