at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Randomize
