You work out of a Hotel?
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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