I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
