sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
In other news, I just burned my penis
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Randomize
