he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
