New low: just hacked my moms facebook
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
