I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
