Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
it was like eating out sand paper
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
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