And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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