After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
