I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
