this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
pray to the hookup gods
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
