that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
