i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Randomize
