I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
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