Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
