my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
