Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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