i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
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