I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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