This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Randomize
