these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
