Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Randomize
