Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Randomize
