I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Randomize
