If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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