He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
