obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize
