Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
