he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
