My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
