I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Randomize
