let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
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