Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
