you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
