hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
