She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
