I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
