Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
