my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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