Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
