I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
