GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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