i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
