So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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