mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
