if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
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