I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Randomize
