I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Randomize
