haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I just made out with a guy for $7.
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
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