I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
