You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
