I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
My dick has a subreddit
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
