Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Randomize
