all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Randomize
