Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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