cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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