I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
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