i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
