have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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