I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I feel great
I just peed on a car
I showed him my bush... on skype.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Fuck appropriateness.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
