no, he came in my armpit
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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