There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
