but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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