people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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