Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
