I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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