Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
